Something changed after Asha's Baptism. The ceremony was like a wedding. Our closest friends and family were present, Asha wore a beautiful white gown. The reception was a simple soup lunch at our home. It was a wonderful day. After the minister poured the water over Asha's head and made the sign of the Cross over her, something happened. Something real, something spiritual, something transcendent. And then the minister introduced her as our sister in Christ. When he did that, I remembered my own wedding and the moment that the minister pronounced Erik and I "husband and wife." I felt married at that point in the ceremony. In fact, I WAS married at that moment. At that moment of Asha's spiritual introduction, I felt like she had truly been united with us, with our extended family and with our spiritual family, all present at that moment.
I really feel like things have been different since that day. I've felt more and more like her mommy. She even started calling me "mommy" and calling it out more and more. I like the sound of it. Those feelings of intense darkness have lifted, even if I am still cranky and moody here and there. I'm feeling more and more like myself, a mommy version of myself.
We giggle more and cry less these past few weeks. Perhaps it's a miracle, perhaps there is something about three months. Attachment isn't a one-sided thing. It isn't just about her attaching to us, but we have to attach to her as well. It goes both ways and on that Baptismal day, we were deeply united.
The work of a mother is hard, tedious and at times boring. I can't say it's getting easier, but it's getting better. I've started to care for myself more, exercising, eating better, taking time to paint my toenails, and time to talk with a counsellor. It is a little message to myself that I still matter and that my well-being directly effects my ability to care for others.
The more I get to know Asha the more miraculous it seems that she is with us. She fits into our family perfectly and is so much like us that it is crazy that there isn't a genetic connection. She is so much like me, in fact, that she reflects to me the ugly things about me, but also reminds me of the beauty that I possess. She is starting to pick up Erik's mannerisms so much that she is a unique combination of all three of us. We are a little trinity here at the Irani house. I know that God chose her for us and us for her. He sees with a perspective so beyond our own. In the depths of depression, a person cannot see beyond the emotional experience of that very moment, but as hope and light enter the depressed soul is able to climb out from that pit.
God does not bless us with a gift so great as a child without giving us a measure of Grace to care for her.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Four Months Here
Asha Srushti has been with us four months now. It's hard to believe how tiny and frail she was upon arrival. Today she successfully took off her footie pajamas all by herself for the first time, revealing a toddler's body that is strong and muscular. She is still very lean, but her cheeks are round and rosey. She can point to her elbow and her navel. Navels are especially exciting and beware wearing an untucked shirt around her because she might try to find yours. Then she'll tickle you.
She is a very energetic girl. I wouldn't call her hyperactive or high needs, but she is always moving, always grabbing, always wiggling. She goes on mile-long walks with us and runs much of the way. I think she enjoys feeling the strength and freedom of this newfound energy and freedom. She is the most enthusiastic person I've ever met. She cheers when Dajee comes in the room, or when someone is being served food. She LOVES food. Many days I feel like a human vending machine: MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE! Her favorite word, my least.
Speaking of words... So many people were concerned about her language development since she switched cultures at two years old. Children's brains are amazing places of adaptation and attraction. She takes in everything she hears, which keeps me on my toes. She chatters all of the time using the same inflections that we do. Some of it is unintelligable, but a lot of it isn't. Her pronunciation is really fantastic. She especially loves to sing. She sings hymns all the time. She loves when the organ goes in church. LA LALALALALALALALAAAA AMEN!
Asha's hands are incredibly dexterious and she uses a spoon and fork with great skill. She colors in circles and loops. She can nearly hold up two fingers and say "TWO!"
Things with attachment are going well. She still has less stranger anxiety than I am comfortable with, but she likes to keep me in view and consistently calls me "Mommy" now. She turns to Erik or I for comfort when she falls or is upset and prefers us to other adults. It may seem like a blessing to have the world's most friendly child, but I really have no idea how to teach her what's appropriate with whom and what's annoying for dangerous.
She's extremely social and enjoys the company of other children very much. Her little buddy, Reed, and his family are staying with us until they find a house in town. (Yes, the Barbers are moving to Grove City- PRAISE GOD!) She loves having a playmate and calls his name in the morning in anticipation of a fun day together. Reed is an introvert and seems a little overwhelmed at Asha's enthusiasm. The other day we heard his screams from the living room and there was Asha kneeling over him, blowing zerberts on his tummy. That's her way of saying "I love you."
She is a very energetic girl. I wouldn't call her hyperactive or high needs, but she is always moving, always grabbing, always wiggling. She goes on mile-long walks with us and runs much of the way. I think she enjoys feeling the strength and freedom of this newfound energy and freedom. She is the most enthusiastic person I've ever met. She cheers when Dajee comes in the room, or when someone is being served food. She LOVES food. Many days I feel like a human vending machine: MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE! Her favorite word, my least.
Speaking of words... So many people were concerned about her language development since she switched cultures at two years old. Children's brains are amazing places of adaptation and attraction. She takes in everything she hears, which keeps me on my toes. She chatters all of the time using the same inflections that we do. Some of it is unintelligable, but a lot of it isn't. Her pronunciation is really fantastic. She especially loves to sing. She sings hymns all the time. She loves when the organ goes in church. LA LALALALALALALALAAAA AMEN!
Asha's hands are incredibly dexterious and she uses a spoon and fork with great skill. She colors in circles and loops. She can nearly hold up two fingers and say "TWO!"
Things with attachment are going well. She still has less stranger anxiety than I am comfortable with, but she likes to keep me in view and consistently calls me "Mommy" now. She turns to Erik or I for comfort when she falls or is upset and prefers us to other adults. It may seem like a blessing to have the world's most friendly child, but I really have no idea how to teach her what's appropriate with whom and what's annoying for dangerous.
She's extremely social and enjoys the company of other children very much. Her little buddy, Reed, and his family are staying with us until they find a house in town. (Yes, the Barbers are moving to Grove City- PRAISE GOD!) She loves having a playmate and calls his name in the morning in anticipation of a fun day together. Reed is an introvert and seems a little overwhelmed at Asha's enthusiasm. The other day we heard his screams from the living room and there was Asha kneeling over him, blowing zerberts on his tummy. That's her way of saying "I love you."
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sarah's "Barefoot" Running Experiment III
Days Four, Five and Six
OK, so I took two days off. Yesterday was a beautiful day! It was a perfect October Tuesday. The air was crisp, but not cold and the sun was out. We went on our usual route with a little more spring in my step. My knee started hurting at the end, which alarmed me a bit. With all the pain I've had in my life, my knees NEVER bother me. They are the one part of me that don't hurt. So, what happened? I ran around the yard a bit with Asha and did some yoga. It seems fine now. In fact, I'm not even sore today. Maybe I need to press a little harder.
The hardest thing about running, for me, is actually my tummy. I've been under a lot of stress this year and don't know if I have an ulcer or just some really bad indigestion, but running makes it jiggle around and that's no fun.
OK, so I took two days off. Yesterday was a beautiful day! It was a perfect October Tuesday. The air was crisp, but not cold and the sun was out. We went on our usual route with a little more spring in my step. My knee started hurting at the end, which alarmed me a bit. With all the pain I've had in my life, my knees NEVER bother me. They are the one part of me that don't hurt. So, what happened? I ran around the yard a bit with Asha and did some yoga. It seems fine now. In fact, I'm not even sore today. Maybe I need to press a little harder.
The hardest thing about running, for me, is actually my tummy. I've been under a lot of stress this year and don't know if I have an ulcer or just some really bad indigestion, but running makes it jiggle around and that's no fun.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Sarah's "Barefoot" Running Experiment II
Day Two and Three
I wasn't as sore from yesterday's run as I thought I'd be. My calves were stiff and some of the muscles in my feet felt like they had worked in a way that they never had, but I was pleased that my usually sore hips and shins were doing ok. Also, the insides of my elbows were sore. Perhaps it was from keeping them too rigid while pushing the stroller? (Keep in mind that I also have fibromyalgia, which means I'm really sore most of the time, so the thought of running is terrifying to me. The idea behind the footgloves is that it will help improve my form and thus create less chance of injury. I already walk several miles a day, but need the happy brain chemical boost that running offers to endure the depression that comes with the dreary Pennsylvania winters.) Speaking of winter...
I wasn't as sore from yesterday's run as I thought I'd be. My calves were stiff and some of the muscles in my feet felt like they had worked in a way that they never had, but I was pleased that my usually sore hips and shins were doing ok. Also, the insides of my elbows were sore. Perhaps it was from keeping them too rigid while pushing the stroller? (Keep in mind that I also have fibromyalgia, which means I'm really sore most of the time, so the thought of running is terrifying to me. The idea behind the footgloves is that it will help improve my form and thus create less chance of injury. I already walk several miles a day, but need the happy brain chemical boost that running offers to endure the depression that comes with the dreary Pennsylvania winters.) Speaking of winter...
Yes, that's ice on the babyjogger and snow on the ground. I didn't have the courage to slip on my footgloves in this weather. In the afternoon, however, I put on smartwool socks and my regular Saucony sneakers and at least wanted to take a long walk. During the walk, I thought I'd try a few short sprints to see how I felt. First of all, the nice warm cozy sneakers were more comfortable than my footgloves, but when I ran I could feel my whole body jiggling. I didn't feel that with the footgloves. When I was running with the footgloves, things felt smooth and I felt light. With the sneakers, I felt the pound pound pound of my feet hitting the ground. I was worn out much faster and could only run a short way.
Today is day three and I feel like I slept on a bed of rocks. My body is killing me! OUCH! Erik is out with Asha so I'm going to try to go on a footglove run without the baby. I'll see how that goes.
UPDATE: I ran with Emma on day three without the stroller. The great thing about this is that we could go on the grass and vary the terrain a little more. It was great! Poor Emma, though, is an older dog and had trouble keeping up in the end. If I actually get into this, we may have to get another dog.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Sarah's "Barefoot" Running Experiment I
Day One
Now that I have my footgloves, the babyjogger, and rain cover for the babyjogger, I have no excuses not to get out there. Today, I awoke to a dreary, rainy 39degree day. Seriously? I'm going to start my barefoot running experiment today? I geared up with a rain jacket and turtlefur ninja hat, pulled on my footgloves, dressed the baby in warm clothes, strapped her into the stroller, affixed the rain cover, and tied the dog onto the stroller. Finally ready. 
Now that I have my footgloves, the babyjogger, and rain cover for the babyjogger, I have no excuses not to get out there. Today, I awoke to a dreary, rainy 39degree day. Seriously? I'm going to start my barefoot running experiment today? I geared up with a rain jacket and turtlefur ninja hat, pulled on my footgloves, dressed the baby in warm clothes, strapped her into the stroller, affixed the rain cover, and tied the dog onto the stroller. Finally ready. 
My toes were screaming, "It's freezing out here! You've got to be kidding!" I walked about one-third of a mile and then started to run. I'll be honest, it felt great! It felt like running in the rain when I was a kid. I only ran for one minute, then walked four more, then ran for one, walked for four, so on and so forth. I've gotten many warnings not to start too hard, too fast.
What amazed me is how the acorns and sticks on the road didn't bother my feet at all. My ankles felt stable and my hips felt fine. When I got home I ran through the yard on the soft grass, which was heavenly! I wish there were barefoot running trails that were all grass and moss. My feet celebrated the end of our run.
When we got in, I dried everyone off and made some wonderfully warm chai. My feet were happy to get into some wool socks and out of those cold, wet footgloves.
We'll see how I feel in the morning.
Friday, October 09, 2009
Happy Anniversary
For our anniversary, I got Erik his most favorite thing in the whole world: ice cream cake! Even at our wedding we had two ice cream cakes stacked together for our wedding cake. He couldn't resist sampling the frosting before we got out the camera. That's OK, it's his anniversary!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Today is Our Anniversary!
Erik and I have been married four years ago today! In four short years we have been through a lot together. We've had three home addresses and I've had four studio addresses and am now studio-less. We've been on numerous fun trips. And we have adopted a child from India. The thing that stands out to me the most, however, is the day-to-day joy that we find in one another. We joke about the one anniversary where I said, "Gee, Erik I'm not sick of you at all!" The truth is that day in and day out I'm excited when he comes home; I enjoy his company; his laughter is food for my soul. I feel completely loved and excepted by this man and in that I feel like I can do anything! We make a good team, Erik and I. Here are some pictures from our courtship, wedding, honeymoon and beyond! This is the first picture Erik and I took together just a month or so into dating. We were just young, crazy kids then. 
In June 2004, Erik and I went to Chicago to attend Deirdre and Alex's wedding. I really fell for him over this trip. Can you blame me, though? Look at that man!
October 8, 2004 Erik asked me to be his wife. 
October 8, 2005 Erik and I got married!
We went on a fabulous honeymoon that Erik planned in secrecy. He took me on a three day train trip to Seattle (yes, we're those wacky people you meet on trains!) and then we flew to Hawaii.
In June 2004, Erik and I went to Chicago to attend Deirdre and Alex's wedding. I really fell for him over this trip. Can you blame me, though? Look at that man!October 8, 2004 Erik asked me to be his wife. October 8, 2005 Erik and I got married!We went on a fabulous honeymoon that Erik planned in secrecy. He took me on a three day train trip to Seattle (yes, we're those wacky people you meet on trains!) and then we flew to Hawaii.
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