I am a stay-at-home wife. That means that I do not have a paying job, nor do I have children. I am new to this town, so I have not yet established a community. I am waiting for my daughter to come here from India, but haven't gotten a job in the interim. I'm finishing up my MA degree and talking myself into making some art. I don't want to commit to a large commissioned sculpture project because I don't know if I could finish it in time. Anyone could always use extra cash, but we're not suffering in the least on only one income. We're frugal. It didn't make sense for me to get a job.
A woman has worth if she has a good job, somewhat less worth if she stays home with her children and pretty much none if she is a middle-class stay-at-home wife. At least that's how it feels that the culture sees it. In this interesting article, the author paints the picture with pretty colors, but read the comments. They are full of vitriol. The woman who stays home is a drain on society, a mooch, an unpaid whore, a kept woman, a trophy wife, etc. She is worthless.
The feminist argument goes that if my husband should leave me, then I'm SOL. I'd be SOL anyway because my heart would shatter. Well, financially I'd get half of all we own and my parents promised me five acres and a goat. If, God forbid, his life be cut short we have financial safety nets in place. I have no job skills, sure, but as an artist I was probably going to live in that garage a few more years anyway. I'll have an MA at least whenever I get this thesis done.
As for life, I'm here to manage contractors, do the laundry, plan healthful meals, clean, return calls, go to appointments, organize our social affairs, and tend the garden. When he comes home from work, he can relax rather than do all those things I already did. I don't come home from work exhausted and pop in a microwave meal or spend a fortune eating out. We're way healthier this way in so many ways.
It is wonderful to be able to be a stay-at-home wife, but it has taken a big toll on my self-esteem. I've gone from being a big-shot artist to a woman who irons shirts. If my Christianity means anything, it means that my worth does not come from having a cool job or a great talent. It comes from being redeemed by Christ, by being adopted into His family. I am worthwhile because I am His Creation, not because of what I do. The Ego has a loud voice and throws tantrums. It isn't happy without the praise of men. Perhaps this is exactly what I need, right now.
I'll have plenty more to do once Srushti is here. I will savor my time of advent as I wait for her. This time that is hated by the world, that is spat upon by feminists I will take time to prepare my home and my heart. I am a stay-at-home wife.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
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5 comments:
Don't you think people our age, though, are realizing the error of the previous generation's workaholism? And that, with such a realization, a person's status or how they are viewed by the culture might change in the next few years irrespective of their degree or employment?
Don't feel like I'm articulating this the best, but I think you catch my drift. You're right by making the point, however, that it really matters naught what culture or feminists think.
God values every one of us.
And, if I can rant a little more, just because you don't have a paid job you don't have value in a society??? What a load of elephant dung!!! Other than the obvious that you've already mentioned, hasn't anyone ever heard of volunteering?
Well said Mrs. Irani. It is interesting the point that society doesn't know what to do with a stay at home wife and thus society finds you to have little value. Isn't it strange that value only comes with utility. Do the feminists realize they are saying that cripples or mentally ill people are without value as well. Of course unborn children have no utility, so I guess it is par for the course. I just wonder how consistent they really want to be. As for me, I am so tired most days being a teacher, an artist, and taking care of my household tasks that I dream of being a stay at home wife. I wonder what did people think 50 years ago of couples who were unable to have children, certainly they weren't asked to work. I think I remember being a volunteer community builder was seen as having some real value. Pity we no longer value communities and the people who have the unpaid job to build them.
Enjoy this time Sarah! I still tell my husband that the second greatest gift he gave me (second to our children of course) was the months I spent as a stay at home wife before our son was born. Just being in tune with your soul holds value for our planet.
Thank you for writing this! I am considering being a SAHW for all the reasons you listed above. It's wonderful to hear that I'm not crazy OR alone in the world!
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