The Loneliest Job

Let me first start with gratitude. I am very grateful that we have the freedom and the means for me to not have to work a job for pay. I am grateful for the freedom that I have to jet off to see my family at nearly any time. I am grateful that the alarm clock is never on. I have an amazing and supportive husband. I have a pretty sweet life in many regards.

On the other hand, I am an extrovert and do not thrive in an environment where I am alone 80% of the day. That was part of the problem with working as a sculptor in a garage as well. (I wrote a lengthy post about that time in my life on my art blog.) Loneliness -and perhaps health insurance- was one of the main motivating factors for me getting a job at the College and taking classes back in 2003. I often wonder if God made a mistake in making me. For someone who has spent so much of her life alone, why did he design me to be an extrovert? It doesn't make since, but I know that God doesn't make mistakes. (I've written a post about this as well.)

Now I find myself engaged in the venerable job of housewifery. I enjoy caring for my home and working on home improvements, but I do not enjoy being alone all of the time. In fact, I get very depressed when left alone for too long. I need to be around people or I magically transform into a giant and depressive glum slug. When my husband comes home, his mere presence puts a fire under me and I can do anything; I just need some company. Other people are my energy source. Superman has the sun, I have other people. Loneliness is my kryptonite. Extroverts, are you with me?

Most days I feel like I am ill-suited for this job. I'm a round peg in a square hole. I have a hard time motivating myself to do tasks without inspiration, I am not organized, I do not work well with scheduling and my energy levels peak between 5pm-9pm, when we're having dinner and my husband is relaxing after a long day.

I am good at a lot of things, however. I am wildly creative, I'm an excellent group leader, I'm a visionary, I'm compassionate, I would thrive in a different environment. I don't fit the lonely job, but I'm only a month away from being united with my daughter. I cannot get a job outside the home now.

So, you say, "get some new friends!" "Join a club!" Making friends is hard work and clubs take my time but don't take away the guilt of not accomplishing anything at home. In most people's jobs, they go to work where they work in an environment with other people. They get work done AND interface with other humans. As a housewife, I can EITHER get work done OR interface with other humans. I'd rather do the latter, but I need to do the former.

Call me a whiner, whatever, but you lonely extroverted wives and moms know what I'm talking about!