Repetitions

I have filled my bookshelves with books on agrarianism, voluntary simplicity, and the like. I have read about the beauty of the ebb and flow of the days and seasons, the repetitious nature of life. The sun rises in the east each morning, the birds awaken, squirrels begin gathering nuts and seeds again. In the evening, the sun sets with predictability, the stars come out in predictable patterns.

I idealize the lives of those small farmers who work hard with their hands and find satisfaction at the end of each day. In reality, though, their days are long and repetitive. They get up and do the morning's chores every day, the same chores no matter the weather. I see the spiritual benefits of dutifully meeting the sun and working hard.

This idealism contrasts sharply with my own reluctant wakings. I hear the sounds of my daughter shouting for her daddy. She jumps out of bed and searches for him. They have breakfast together. It is a moment for me to catch a few more glimpses of precious sleep. When he is ready to leave for work, he comes into the bedroom and passes the child to me. I moan with dread as I get out of bed.

We do pretty much the same thing every day: We get up, change a diaper, eat, clean up, the children play, the mommies referee. Then they start demanding snacks. We scold them for pulling all the books off the shelf, for shoving one another, for ripping all the leaves off the plants. We prepare lunch, everyone eats, there is a mess to clean up. There is a shower in there somewhere, some time for blogging, but really the ebb and flow is a triangle from the mess in the kitchen to the toys in the living room to the bathroom and back again. It is repetitive and I try to muster the energy to do something creative, such as start a marching band (see yesterday's post). But it's time for nap and dinner preparations.

There is such a disconnect between my intellectual idealism of that ebb and flow and repetition of agrarian life and the feeling of entrapment in the repetition of domestic life. I no longer feel angry, nor do I feel resentful. Yet, I am still miles from eager to get up in the morning.

Scripture for today: Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).